decent sized update

Okay, it's time for an update. The last few weeks have been eventful.

Two weeks ago, right as Spring Break was starting, Mary's grandfather died. Mary, being as strong and incredible as she is, decided that it would be too expensive for us both to go, and went to New York on a couple of days' notice to go to the wake and be with her family. I can't help but think she was also thinking of me being too nervous around all the new people, which is something she shouldn't have had to think about. She is wonderful and I am useless. I'm glad I got to meet Henry at the wedding and again the next year. I don't know what else to say about that. I wish I had more to say.

Anyway, I decided to go home for a couple of days since I had the time off. The biggest news there was that my dad wasn't just dieting for blood pressure reasons, which is what I had thought (he had high blood pressure that is now in a very healthy range thanks to medication and diet). Nope, my dad has diabetes now. It didn't seem to be a big deal to anyone in my house, so I guess it's okay. Also, he's becoming obsessed with computer games again, after not picking up a game of any kind for about six years.

When I got back and school started back up, I got back to trying to look for a job. Still no luck, and not really any prospects. Getting a master's in library science has started sounding better and better. As I was freaking out about this, I also had stuff due in my field methods class. I decided to man up (while simultaneously chickening out) and drop a required course, which meant
a) telling more people in the department that I'm quitting, and
b) making myself ineligible for advancement in the program, thus ensuring that I was really quitting

I went to the field methods teacher with trepidation, expecting her to be totally pissed. She wasn't. She understood and was supportive. Huh. She mentioned that I should check with the grad advisor about the possibility of getting my master's degree before I drop the course. So I did.

The grad advisor (Nancy) told me that the department doesn't do terminal MAs, and that I'd have to advance to Ph.D. candidacy before getting any kind of MA, which means I'd have to take two language exams and write two publishable papers. So I dropped the field methods course and went home.

The next day, after my Japanese test, I heard from my advisor Katherine that she and Nancy had a short chat about me. Nancy didn't realize that I was thinking of leaving and was now saying that it would be totally possible for me to get an MA! The faculty discussed my case during their meeting that afternoon, and tried to figure out the requirements for this degree program that didn't exist. That was Friday.

Today I finally found out what I need to do: take a language test and write an MA thesis this summer (which, of course, involves things like forming a committee and defending and petitioning the vice provost's office and things). I think I'm going to do it. I'm going to try anyway. The guilt will be too much if I don't.

UNT's library science degree program has a Houston-based option, and the dean came to Rice on Friday to talk about it. It sounds... good. It's mostly online, and I love being online. There's a good chance of scholarships, and some of the coursework actually sounds like it may be interesting. I could finish in a year, and then get a job. I like the idea of having a job.

Who's to say if any of this will make me happy? Who knows if I'll just quit this too? I wonder sometimes if I'll end up in some kind of mental institution because I am incapable of performing any task.